ELLA

WHAT CHOICE DO WE HAVE ANYWAY?

While living in China, I remember sitting down at dinner with my Chinese boyfriend and his colleagues.  The man who invited all the men was openly and belligerently drunk.  In front of my boyfriend he exclaimed, “I love you American woman!”  At first, his behavior was cute, but then I realized he was belittling me by reducing me to nothing but an object of his outlandish affection for foreign women.  Upon realizing this, I looked at my boyfriend, looked at the rest of the men in the room, then looked at the man who disrespected me, and walked out.  After chasing me down the stairs, my boyfriend asked me what had happened.  I told him that I would not allow a man to treat me that way, and I would not be with a man who would tolerate that behavior from other men.

This story has to do with choices we have as women.  My female Chinese companions would often come up to me and ask for advice on how to be independent in the face of societal pressures to marry, have children, and be content with a lifestyle that was culturally imposed yet not often desired.  I told them I knew nothing of the societal and cultural pressure they dealt with as Chinese women, but that it was important to unite as women and uplift one another.

In my home country, the U.S.A., women are generally treated better and are given greater respect than women in China and other parts of the world.  Despite some of the advantages of being a woman in America as opposed to a woman in Saudi Arabia or other country known for oppressing women, our actions toward other women perpetuate cycles of gender oppression.  We compete with one another for the attention of men, we tolerate emotional and physical abuse, and we are divided by our insecurities, our jealousies, and competition.

We have a choice. We can choose to maintain the status quo, or we can choose to change the situation for women all over the world.  Any woman who consciously or unconsciously compromises the solidarity of women should be treated with compassion and made to understand the consequences of her actions.  We must treat one another with respect and as individuals.  Do not place the responsibility on men to change – place the responsibility on yourselves.